By 
Like many women I was raised to be silent and unopinionated.
Silence is a powerful weapon that controls and oppresses. Silence is also often taken as consent. Consent to being abused, consent to being treated like a second-class person and consent to be seen and not heard because it is perceived that the person is without original thought or unable to formulate an opinion.
I am blogging for me. I am writing to teach myself to be assertive in person. I am writing to get my thoughts out rather than have it curled up inside reverberating violently because since childhood I have been imposed upon with illogical, irrational, unjustifiable and incompatible beliefs and expectations by the culture, society and country I was born in.
Culture & Society
Growing up I was often asked by women whether I knew to cook and do ‘good’ housework rather than be asked what my aspirations and opinions were as if my worth as a female lies with my domestic skills. I was expected to be a good girl meaning, hidden, silent, timid, obedient, willing to be dictated to without voicing an opinion and subjecting myself to control because being female control is necessary.
Living in a patriarchal culture I rarely heard women, looking like me, voicing an opinion and I was never asked my thoughts on anything of substance such as local and international issues.
Abuse especially, domestic violence is endemic in our society and I believe silence plays a major role in why it is so pervasive, accepted and has violated so many lives. If no one speaks then they have consented. If a problem is not seen as a problem then it is not a problem! If children were brought up in a home where they were exposed to domestic violence that was not condemned then they in turn will view it as normal and there is a high probability that they will become abusers or allow abuse upon themselves.
Most women I know were abused. Once I was privy to a very enlightening conversation on abuse and silence. Some women were saying how good another was because she never complained when she was abused by her husband but kept it to herself and always stood by her man. She was seen as a role model, an ideal. Her silence elevated her.
Silence, shame and sex crimes are never without each other. Due to the conditioning of females, sex is seen as dirty therefore anything involving the vagina is shameful including sex crimes so what follows is silence and of course, the cycle is repeated over and over again and the perverted are empowered to continue.
I have experienced a lot of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. I was brainwashed to accept abuse and many people will disagree with me because they don’t even know what abuse is. Humiliation both private and public is abuse, degrading and shaming is abuse, making me feel like an inferior person because of my gender is abuse. I have spoken up on a few occasions and this severed relationships with people who viewed me as rude for defending myself against abuse but I was glad because I am happier…
Socially
I am a loner and enjoy the freedom both mentally and physically that comes from being totally in control of myself. However, it is nice to have company and share things with. Several times a friend of mine invited me to join her and her friends. After a few occasions, she made it a point to tell me to agree with her male friends when they discussed anything, not to state my own thoughts and especially not to disagree with them. My role and hers were to be arm candy/cheerleaders, to smile, massage egos and be agreeable. I was even told that I am a white woman trapped in a brown body since they believe that only white women speak up, are opinionated and assertive. A few times I have gotten myself into verbal fights that were mentally draining with both men and women because they expected a silent, shy sheep based on my appearance.
At work
I have been verbally abused at work. I have endured tirades from power-hungry ‘small people’. I realised that although I am bold and brave through writing I am the opposite in person. So my blog is really for me, I am breaking my silence to teach myself to also be bold, brave and assertive in person and not tremble to speak up or be intimidated.
Our workplace is like a pigsty, with very poor conditions. One day I turned up to see my one and only chair and desk being put to other uses and with no alternative seating accommodation. This happened before. I was affected as well as some colleagues. Where was I supposed to sit? To voice my displeasure, I placed a cardboard on the floor and sat there for a few minutes. This caused a ripple.
Firstly, my colleagues, including the affected ones were so afraid to show solidarity with my one-woman ‘protest’ that they refused to even take a photo for me of the act. They didn’t want to show any form of defiance or be seen in agreement with my show of expression. If I didn’t ‘protest’ how were those in charge supposed to know that I was displeased?
Secondly, I was informed to report immediately to upper management to be dealt with. The constitution guarantees me freedom of expression, I stated this.
On another occasion, some of us were not paid. The excuse for me was not updating my insurance information although I received no notice of this and had an insurance card. Besides, if I worked then I must be paid. I was told that I had to wait at least 3 months to get paid and it was impossible for this to happen the next month. After writing a public letter, the impossible became possible and no excuse for the incident was offered by those decision makers! Imagine, one of my colleagues in the same situation who benefitted from my letter-writing told me that she did not believe in ‘fighting fire with fire’. Apparently, I was supposed to remain silent and just go with the flow.
There is an incredibly, sickening level of passivity and sheepishness in every aspect of society and it is passed down like some sort of gift to future generations. I have never been able to have civilised discussions with people. Every ‘talk’ is seen as defiance, rudeness, disrespect, etc., and then the ‘talk’ becomes an argument or ‘cuss out’ depending on the situation.
Country
People are afraid to speak, people are afraid to express an opinion and people are afraid to state an opposing or unpopular view. Many hide with anonymity when expressing themselves. I also did this on some occasions. I am slowly learning to not be afraid. I have put my name on this blog because why should I be ashamed of my opinions which are an extension of myself? Why should I continue to allow people to impose beliefs and norms upon me which I loathe? Why should I continue to be silent and passive in my country when I am faced with things I disagree with?
Regardless of the situation, I believe people have the right to expression. Nobody should take that away. Nobody should be forced into silence.
