By 
I’ve never felt that proverbial sense of belonging; I’ve always felt different and I’ve always been different. Individuality is not accepted with open arms here. Those who do not conform to the norm of how one should be are often shunned, viewed with suspicion, bullied and seen as somewhat ‘broken’. It is a society where the group takes precedence, and one is expected to think and behave in a manner that falls in the spectrum decided by the group.
However, there are broad categorisations, expectations and prejudices based on simply what one is. For example, boys and girls are treated differently although biological sex is something the individual had no say in deciding. One is simply born that way and because of this attribute one is treated differently.
Who I am, I decide. I haven’t fully embraced how others expect me to think and behave. If I did, I would have never rebelled. I would have accepted my fate and be an invisible person who simply lives and then fades. I am who I am because I chose not to accept this fate. However, I am still severely affected, traumatised and directed by the conditioning, culture and community. I have never been free, and I will never be free, this is a fact. My mind and body have been chained from the moment I entered the world as an Indo-Guyanese female and I will one day die still imprisoned but hopefully there will be less chains, but I know I will still be chained.
Am I Indo-Guyanese though? I don’t feel that way. Am I Indian? I have brown skin and straight hair but if I go to India right now, I know that I’ll feel like an outsider. I am not what is expected. On top of that I’ve never fitted in, in the Indian community here so imagine what it would be like there.
Am I Guyanese? To say that I am Guyanese implies that I am treated equally like other Guyanese. To say that I am Guyanese implies that I live in an egalitarian society. This is far from the truth. Racism and classism prevail in this developing, multi-ethnic country and is encouraged by a lack of accountability, fairness and transparency.
What am I really? How do others see and treat me? What experiences have I had and how have I been shaped by that? It sounds self-indulgent and self-pitiful, but I need to answer that for myself. Accepting what I am gives me some amount of freedom. I can understand why I’ve had certain experiences and why I’ve never really fitted in.
I am a Nobody-Coolie Woman; this is what I am
I am not ashamed to embrace my identity. In fact, there is power and freedom in accepting what one is.
A Nobody
In Guyana, nobodies have to go through loops for the simplest things but that is how it is. For instance, to just get my neighbour to stop burning the garbage from his bar I had to visit various places including the NDC, RDC, Ministry and EPA. It was a battle that lasted for many years, but my health was affected. Eventually, through media exposure I got some relief. This is how the system works; there is classism, corruption and one has to know someone in` high office in order to get people to do the jobs they are paid to do. I wrote about my ordeal and a newspaper covered it: (https://lifeingy.com/air-pollution-indifference-and-corruption/ and https://www.stabroeknews.com/2015/12/02/news/guyana/lusignan-resident-seeking-relief-neighbours-fireside-fumes/).
Calling or visiting the police station when in need? Forget about it. A few encounters would provide enough substance to write a book. Nobody ever picks up when one calls the station and visiting them is pure stress. For instance, during the time I was battling my neighbour over his illegal burning I went to the police station to complain. Apart from being treated as if my complaint was trivial and being told that they had no vehicles to visit the location, they asked me for money to buy lunch! Funny and sad at the same time because if someone doesn’t have any money to give them would they deal with that person’s issue nevertheless?
And when it comes to justice one can’t even find a half-decent lawyer who doesn’t have personal prejudices. You won’t find activist lawyers, there is no such thing as doing pro bono work and being a lawyer for most is about personal gains and not the passion for justice and fairness for all. Even if one can afford to pay a lawyer getting them to take the case is another hurdle. The ones I met have turned me off. It’s like one is not worthy enough to be their client. And because corrupt and powerful people know how lawyers operate and the justice system works, they are empowered to abuse and discriminate against others without facing consequences. For instance, I can’t even get legal representation although I have a strong case and can afford a lawyer (https://www.stabroeknews.com/2025/09/12/opinion/letters/am-yet-to-find-a-lawyer-who-is-willing-to-take-my-case/).
A Coolie
There is no shame in being a Coolie. I don’t see it as a negative, I see it as the stark reality of life in Guyana. In multi-ethnic Guyana, there is blatant racism everywhere particularly between the two largest ethnic groups, Afro-Guyanese and Indo-Guyanese.
Due to my ethnicity, I have faced racism in the public sphere: in the workplace (public sector), in my educational pursuits and during everyday interactions. I am not a politician, from a well-known family or ever had power and authority over others. I have faced racism in Guyana simply because I have straight hair and brown skin; I am a Coolie. And because I am a Coolie, I am expected to accept abuse and discrimination against me as normal.
For example, when I was a 16-year-old student at the University of Guyana, an Afro-Guyanese lecturer tried several times to fail me for an introductory English Language course. For her last attempt she claimed that I didn’t sit the final examination for the course. Fortunately, I had the attendance slip which was signed by the invigilator but that didn’t help me much. When I complained, I was told that I’d be allowed to retake the exam as an ‘I grade exam’ but the highest grade I could obtain would be a C. I took the I-grade exam and of course the lecturer faced no consequences, but I was punished. Plus, a male whom I complained to asked me for sex. This sort of behaviour was and probably still is prevalent at the UG. Male lecturers felt quite comfortable preying on the vulnerable because in their eyes, students had reached the age of consent (16 years) and they were/are enabled by the deep-seated level of misogyny in the society.
And an Afro-Guyanese woman, Soyinka Grogan from the Ministry of Public Service took away my medical school scholarship unjustly and of course there were no consequences for her, but the course of my life was changed. Her actions were not only unethical but also illegal. The contract was breached and I was discriminated against which I have proof of but because I am a Nobody Coolie, I was seen as an easy target and someone who others can discriminate against without facing consequences (https://lifeingy.com/constitutional-violations-and-discrimination-by-government-officials/).
I’ve also faced racism in the workplace. For years, I was affected and although I complained many times I was ignored. The majority of workers in Guyana’s public sector are Afro-Guyanese and the majority of people with power and authority in this sector are also Afro-Guyanese. I’ve experienced going to Afro-Guyanese in management/leadership positions about workplace matters and either being ignored or my situation worsening because I dared to complain. What I’ve experienced is that Afro-Guyanese will not address a complaint if it’s against an Afro-Guyanese even if the person is clearly wrong. And I’ve experienced Afro-Guyanese condoning and even encouraging the bad behaviour of other Afro-Guyanese; it’s like they believe that they cannot go against people of their own ethnicity even if they are wrong. I’ve written about workplace discrimination (https://lifeingy.com/the-ministry-of-education-guyana-condoned-discrimination-by-failing-to-act-fairly-and-decisively/). And I plan to write about racism in other settings that I’ve experienced.
A Coolie Female
I was born into a patriarchal culture. I am expected to be like other brown females in the Indo-Guyanese community, but I have never quite fitted the mould and I don’t want to. I am expected to be silent, subservient and a person without dreams of her own. I am expected to follow the group. I am not seen as an individual and I’m not expected to be one. I’ve truly never fitted in and I’m seen as an outcast and rebel for being different.
Due to expectations and the fact that I don’t fit in, I have never been supported or taken seriously. For example, in the workplace if I voice an opinion I am ignored. What is stated is not evaluated for merit because I am not supposed to have an opinion in the first place. Brown women are seen as frivolous, ‘brainless’ beings whose concerns should be about cooking, cleaning and other mundane chores associated with the home.
In the family, I am expected to be silent. To be seen and not heard. To be hidden until I fade; existing as just another brown female, an accessory and not an individual.
Many brown girls are raised like chickens, penned up their entire lives. No thought is given to the development and needs of the individual.
In the community, people are concerned with the stupidest things like who is ‘whoring’ or not ‘whoring’. I felt so intellectually oppressed, it’s hard to have a conversation with people about anything of substance. And their obsession with vaginas is more about having power and control over the lives of girls and women (https://lifeingy.com/females-oppressed-because-of-obsession-hatred-of-vagina/). Many brown females are brainwashed into believing that they need to spend all their time in the home. Socialisation outside of the home is seen as immoral behaviour. It’s like one has to prove that one is a good Coolie girl by hiding in the house so that people will say ‘This girl is a good girl. I’ve never seen her talking to boys or going out. She is always at home.’ They style it as ‘proper behaviour’ but it’s all about control.
Accepting what I am
I am a Nobody-Coolie Woman. I’ve had certain experiences in my life because this is how I am seen. I am treated a certain way because this is what I am. Accepting what one is helps in understanding the ‘Why’.
